Holy Listening

Anyone going through the ordination process in the Episcopal Church is required to take a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education, usually at a hospital.  I did mine at the Maine Medical Center 25 years ago.   CPE involves intense study, working individually and as a group with the supervisor, writing, and visiting with patients.

One of the first patients I saw was a dear older lady who was very ill with cancer.  As we sat together she began telling me about her pain and her fear. Earlier on I had noticed many pictures of her grandchildren lined up on the window sill, so I asked her about them.  Soon we were talking about more cheerful things.  When I left her room I was pleased that the visit had gone so well.

My supervisor was not so pleased. "Why did you ask about the grandchildren?" he asked.

"Well, I wanted to make her feel better, to take her mind off her problems."

"You weren't listening to her," he said.

"Yes, but..."

"Audrey, you weren't listening to what she was trying to tell you."

He was right.  I wasn't listening to her.  I was listening instead to my own agenda, to my desire to save the day, to make all the bad things disappear and to cheer her up. She wanted, and needed, to tell me what was going on in her heart and I didn't hear it.

As we moved further along in CPE I learned about listening with a "third ear." Really, truly listening not only with two ears but with that third ear that picks up nuances, that hears even a tiny catch in the throat, a wistfulness, a sadness; that is tuned into things that are left unsaid.  It is about ushering God in and showing ourselves out the door of these conversations.  It is holy listening - holy listening with our third ear - holy listening to each other, and to our God.

Peace be with you all,

Audrey

Authentic Relationships

“Jesus asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone.  

God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul.”

Gosh, today’s reading from Henri Nouwen really strikes a nerve with me.  I think about my family and friends, all the people that I deeply love in my life -  I’m supposed to love God more than all of them?  I think of my sister and her partner and my six week old baby niece (Colby Jane Sunshine!), and I wonder how I’m supposed to love something more than that precious little girl.  How is my sister supposed to love anything more than her tiny daughter?

Jesus’ claim truly is radical, and it’s very, very hard.  But what it boils down to is a warning against idolatry.  It’s an old-fashioned kind of word, but a challenge that is still very present in our lives today. To place anyone or any thing above God is to make an idol out of it.  It’s one thing to admire or cherish someone.  It’s another thing, a much more dangerous thing, to put a person on a pedestal, to revere him or her in such a way as to create inequality between ourselves and that person.  This not only does a disservice to ourselves, it also does harm to the object of our admiration because it prevents us from seeing them for who they really are.  Idolatry keeps us from having true authenticity in our relationships.  If we can keep God in God’s rightful place in our lives, then it actually frees us up to to live into our relationships with the people we love even more deeply.

We live in a world that tells us we have to choose, and if we want to place one thing at the top of our list, then inevitably everything else must be less important.  If we put God at the top, then our spouses or children or parents or friends must be less important to us.  But our generous and abundant God doesn’t operate that way.  Focusing on God doesn’t leave us with less time to focus on those we love, but rather gives us the gift of better vision and hearing with those people we cherish so we can love them even more deeply for who they truly are.

Extra, extra, read all about it! Stress can be nudged out the door...

Jane Brody, the wise and wonderful health writer from the New York Times, wrote a column yesterday that is really worth reading. Please do. I've posted a link to it below. She starts her piece, called When Daily Stress Gets in the Way of Life, with this little story on herself:

Anxiety is a fact of life. I've yet to meet anyone, no matter how upbeat, who has escaped anxious moments, days, even weeks. Recently, I succumbed when, rushed for time just before a Thanksgiving trip, I was told the tires on my car were too worn to be driven on safely and had to be replaced.

"But I have no time to do this now," I whined.

"Do you have time for an accident?" my car-savvy neighbor asked.

So, with a pounding heart and no idea how I'd make up the lost time, I went off to get new tires...It seems like such a small thing now. But everyday stresses add up...

She continues in this smart column to coach us into acknowledging our own stresses, major and minor, and into taking small, doable corrective steps that have big impacts. You can tap the link to Jane's Times column at the bottom of this posting.

But first...I want you to see how all this stress-talk is relevant to our Advent aspiration of claiming  some peace in this season as we await the coming of God into our lives in a fresh way in the coming of Christmas.  Henri Nouwen has some coaching for us as well. He notes in his words for today, Day 11, that some features of this hectic season can actually be an antidote to stress and strain. He suggests taking a deep breathe and listening for a moment...just a moment please... to something as wonderful as a short, bit of Advent music. To help you do just that, he piece below is brought to you by the wonders of YouTube.

Please click here and give yourself a 4 minute, wonderfully restorative Advent break. You won't regret the moment of peace, I promise...

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWS7CpFHJ8E 

 And when you have another moment to confront your stress, you can read all of Jane's useful words right there:  http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/dont-let-stress-get-in-the-way-of-life/

Patient Waiting

My husband, Joe, has called me the Queen of "yes...but what if?"  What if such and such happens, or doesn't happen?  Yes, it's sunny now, but what if that cloud way over there on the horizon brings rain to ruin our outdoor plans?  Yes, the plane flight is going smoothly, but what if we run into turbulence?" You know the drill, I imagine.

It's all about control, I have decided.  If I can think up all the things that can possibly happen in any given situation, then maybe, somehow, I can control the outcome, or at least be prepared for it, whatever it may be.  It is a real discipline for me to try to release my grip on the steering wheel and just wait - patiently wait to let the situation spin itself out - to let God in on things!

We spend so much of our time waiting, don't we?  Waiting in line at the store, waiting for that all-important correspondence, waiting for test results, waiting to hear about how that job interview went, waiting to hear the key in the door to let us know that a loved one has made it home through the ice storm.  Waiting is not easy for me, as I think it probably is not easy for most people.  Our minds can race to the worst possible scenario in a flash.  One of the things I am working on this Advent is the art of patient waiting. I am trying to focus the passion of my fertile little mind's need to outguess the fates toward just "letting go and letting God," as the bumper sticker says. How can we hear God when the noise of our own impatience and worry drowns God out?

So for today, I will try to set aside my "yes...buts" and listen with open ear to God's requests, to God's plan.  Now if I can just let go of that death grip on the steering wheel...

Advent peace to you all,

Audrey

Many Marys

Much though it would shock my departed Irish Catholic grandmother to hear it, I sometimes struggle with Mary (sorry Nanny Moughty!).  My salvation in this struggle is that there are so many different versions of Mary the Mother of Christ to which we can turn.  Are we looking toward a terrified, teenage, unwed mother?  Or is it the steadfast woman standing at the foot of the cross?  Are we thinking of the Guadalupana of Latin American heritage?  Or the one with the Immaculate Heart?  It seems like the conceptions of Mary to which we can turn are almost endless.

The facet of Mary that Nouwen discusses in today’s reading is actually the one I struggle with the most.  The super, extra virginal Mary.  The utterly sinless, immaculate Mary.  The Mary that history has told women we must be more like...an impossible combination of virgin and mother.  A perfect parent who never finds herself at wits end with her son.  This Mary seems superhuman and unrelatable to me (but if she works for you, go with it).

The image of Mary that I am most drawn to is the one that comes from our Eastern Orthodox brothers and sisters - the image of theotokos - the “God-bearer.”  Mary is the one that bears God into a hungry and desperate world.  I can never aspire to the kind of perfection that is placed on the Immaculate Mary, but I can hope to be like the theotokos, bearing my experience of God to others.

Is there an image of Mary that particularly resonates with you?  Or perhaps a way that you bear God into the world?