Holy Listening

Anyone going through the ordination process in the Episcopal Church is required to take a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education, usually at a hospital.  I did mine at the Maine Medical Center 25 years ago.   CPE involves intense study, working individually and as a group with the supervisor, writing, and visiting with patients.

One of the first patients I saw was a dear older lady who was very ill with cancer.  As we sat together she began telling me about her pain and her fear. Earlier on I had noticed many pictures of her grandchildren lined up on the window sill, so I asked her about them.  Soon we were talking about more cheerful things.  When I left her room I was pleased that the visit had gone so well.

My supervisor was not so pleased. "Why did you ask about the grandchildren?" he asked.

"Well, I wanted to make her feel better, to take her mind off her problems."

"You weren't listening to her," he said.

"Yes, but..."

"Audrey, you weren't listening to what she was trying to tell you."

He was right.  I wasn't listening to her.  I was listening instead to my own agenda, to my desire to save the day, to make all the bad things disappear and to cheer her up. She wanted, and needed, to tell me what was going on in her heart and I didn't hear it.

As we moved further along in CPE I learned about listening with a "third ear." Really, truly listening not only with two ears but with that third ear that picks up nuances, that hears even a tiny catch in the throat, a wistfulness, a sadness; that is tuned into things that are left unsaid.  It is about ushering God in and showing ourselves out the door of these conversations.  It is holy listening - holy listening with our third ear - holy listening to each other, and to our God.

Peace be with you all,

Audrey

Authentic Relationships

“Jesus asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone.  

God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul.”

Gosh, today’s reading from Henri Nouwen really strikes a nerve with me.  I think about my family and friends, all the people that I deeply love in my life -  I’m supposed to love God more than all of them?  I think of my sister and her partner and my six week old baby niece (Colby Jane Sunshine!), and I wonder how I’m supposed to love something more than that precious little girl.  How is my sister supposed to love anything more than her tiny daughter?

Jesus’ claim truly is radical, and it’s very, very hard.  But what it boils down to is a warning against idolatry.  It’s an old-fashioned kind of word, but a challenge that is still very present in our lives today. To place anyone or any thing above God is to make an idol out of it.  It’s one thing to admire or cherish someone.  It’s another thing, a much more dangerous thing, to put a person on a pedestal, to revere him or her in such a way as to create inequality between ourselves and that person.  This not only does a disservice to ourselves, it also does harm to the object of our admiration because it prevents us from seeing them for who they really are.  Idolatry keeps us from having true authenticity in our relationships.  If we can keep God in God’s rightful place in our lives, then it actually frees us up to to live into our relationships with the people we love even more deeply.

We live in a world that tells us we have to choose, and if we want to place one thing at the top of our list, then inevitably everything else must be less important.  If we put God at the top, then our spouses or children or parents or friends must be less important to us.  But our generous and abundant God doesn’t operate that way.  Focusing on God doesn’t leave us with less time to focus on those we love, but rather gives us the gift of better vision and hearing with those people we cherish so we can love them even more deeply for who they truly are.

Extra, extra, read all about it! Stress can be nudged out the door...

Jane Brody, the wise and wonderful health writer from the New York Times, wrote a column yesterday that is really worth reading. Please do. I've posted a link to it below. She starts her piece, called When Daily Stress Gets in the Way of Life, with this little story on herself:

Anxiety is a fact of life. I've yet to meet anyone, no matter how upbeat, who has escaped anxious moments, days, even weeks. Recently, I succumbed when, rushed for time just before a Thanksgiving trip, I was told the tires on my car were too worn to be driven on safely and had to be replaced.

"But I have no time to do this now," I whined.

"Do you have time for an accident?" my car-savvy neighbor asked.

So, with a pounding heart and no idea how I'd make up the lost time, I went off to get new tires...It seems like such a small thing now. But everyday stresses add up...

She continues in this smart column to coach us into acknowledging our own stresses, major and minor, and into taking small, doable corrective steps that have big impacts. You can tap the link to Jane's Times column at the bottom of this posting.

But first...I want you to see how all this stress-talk is relevant to our Advent aspiration of claiming  some peace in this season as we await the coming of God into our lives in a fresh way in the coming of Christmas.  Henri Nouwen has some coaching for us as well. He notes in his words for today, Day 11, that some features of this hectic season can actually be an antidote to stress and strain. He suggests taking a deep breathe and listening for a moment...just a moment please... to something as wonderful as a short, bit of Advent music. To help you do just that, he piece below is brought to you by the wonders of YouTube.

Please click here and give yourself a 4 minute, wonderfully restorative Advent break. You won't regret the moment of peace, I promise...

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWS7CpFHJ8E 

 And when you have another moment to confront your stress, you can read all of Jane's useful words right there:  http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/dont-let-stress-get-in-the-way-of-life/

Patient Waiting

My husband, Joe, has called me the Queen of "yes...but what if?"  What if such and such happens, or doesn't happen?  Yes, it's sunny now, but what if that cloud way over there on the horizon brings rain to ruin our outdoor plans?  Yes, the plane flight is going smoothly, but what if we run into turbulence?" You know the drill, I imagine.

It's all about control, I have decided.  If I can think up all the things that can possibly happen in any given situation, then maybe, somehow, I can control the outcome, or at least be prepared for it, whatever it may be.  It is a real discipline for me to try to release my grip on the steering wheel and just wait - patiently wait to let the situation spin itself out - to let God in on things!

We spend so much of our time waiting, don't we?  Waiting in line at the store, waiting for that all-important correspondence, waiting for test results, waiting to hear about how that job interview went, waiting to hear the key in the door to let us know that a loved one has made it home through the ice storm.  Waiting is not easy for me, as I think it probably is not easy for most people.  Our minds can race to the worst possible scenario in a flash.  One of the things I am working on this Advent is the art of patient waiting. I am trying to focus the passion of my fertile little mind's need to outguess the fates toward just "letting go and letting God," as the bumper sticker says. How can we hear God when the noise of our own impatience and worry drowns God out?

So for today, I will try to set aside my "yes...buts" and listen with open ear to God's requests, to God's plan.  Now if I can just let go of that death grip on the steering wheel...

Advent peace to you all,

Audrey

Many Marys

Much though it would shock my departed Irish Catholic grandmother to hear it, I sometimes struggle with Mary (sorry Nanny Moughty!).  My salvation in this struggle is that there are so many different versions of Mary the Mother of Christ to which we can turn.  Are we looking toward a terrified, teenage, unwed mother?  Or is it the steadfast woman standing at the foot of the cross?  Are we thinking of the Guadalupana of Latin American heritage?  Or the one with the Immaculate Heart?  It seems like the conceptions of Mary to which we can turn are almost endless.

The facet of Mary that Nouwen discusses in today’s reading is actually the one I struggle with the most.  The super, extra virginal Mary.  The utterly sinless, immaculate Mary.  The Mary that history has told women we must be more like...an impossible combination of virgin and mother.  A perfect parent who never finds herself at wits end with her son.  This Mary seems superhuman and unrelatable to me (but if she works for you, go with it).

The image of Mary that I am most drawn to is the one that comes from our Eastern Orthodox brothers and sisters - the image of theotokos - the “God-bearer.”  Mary is the one that bears God into a hungry and desperate world.  I can never aspire to the kind of perfection that is placed on the Immaculate Mary, but I can hope to be like the theotokos, bearing my experience of God to others.

Is there an image of Mary that particularly resonates with you?  Or perhaps a way that you bear God into the world?

Roadblocks

We know about feeling thwarted, don't we? Thwarted is an Old English word that sounds a bit like what it means....stopped, stymied, frustrated. Twharted-ness can be as simple as not getting into the restaurant you'd planned on, or as startling as a job falling apart, as sad as a dream disappearing. As small as the bridge being up and a big as a rejection in love.

Our writer, Henri Nouwen asks us on Day 7 of  Advent to consider if we are thwarting God's access to our attention, access to our hearts. He points to big things like anger and greed as roadblocks that keep us from getting near to God. We can easily see how an obsessive anger or a consuming greed might well deafen us to the calls of better angels.

But Henri suggests that we thrwart God's access to our hearts in many smaller ways, through the distractions and absorptions of our days, small things that cummulatively leave little time and space for God to break into our hearts and heads. I can sure think of a few of my own, and I  suspect you know what yours are, as well.

One healthy thing that seems to happen when we let God come near...many of our own feelings of being thwarted seem to get put in their place, and routes ahead appear.

Today, I plan to take down a roadblock or two. Join me?

The Blessing of Community

How very blessed we are to belong to the wonderful community of St. Alban's! There is so much joy here, so much genuine affection for one another, so much willingness to share not only our good times, but also our times of difficulty and sadness.

The next time you come into the Parish Hall be sure to stop and look at the "moving picture show" that is on display on the table in the entryway.  What a good time we are having together in these pictures!  We are worshiping together, enjoying delicious food together, talking to each other, working together, and always it seems, laughing together.  We truly enjoy being in each other's company.  This is so wonderful and, I think, quite rare.  It is not always thus in church communities, or in any kind of community.

 It take work to achieve what we have here.  It takes individuals who are anxious to welcome any and all who cross our threshold.  It takes people who are willing to share their stories and to listen to others' stories.  It takes patience and forbearance and compassion.  It takes hearts that can rejoice in each other and in God's love which, to my eye anyway, abounds here at St. Alban's. Thanks be to God for that extravagant love!

And thanks to Marjorie and Stacy for that exhilarating picture show!

Advent peace to you all,

Audrey

Diet for the Soul

It is dangerous to drive past Whole Foods on your commute.  It means that I frequently find myself stopping there after a long day of work for a fast, ready-made dinner from their salad/soup/hot bar.  I tell myself that while I may be busting my budget doing so, at least it’s healthy/organic/local etc.  Like lots of folks, I’m trying to make healthier more conscious choices about what I eat.  And when you shop at the Whole Foods, you find yourself surrounded by folks who think it’s really important to pay attention to what you put into your body.

What if we took the same care with what we put into our minds?  And our souls?  It was 1992 when Nouwen wrote this excerpt mentioning the “garbage” of advertisements, tv, and radio.  I mean, we’re talking pre-reality tv days.  I wonder what Nouwen would say about our media consumption today?  I’ll admit to watching reality tv myself (HGTV design shows anyone?), but I’ll also admit that I feel much more rested, refreshed, and renewed if I spend that time with a good book or, better yet, saying a portion of the daily office (and you can helpfully find it all put together for you here!).  Today’s reading reminds me that how I feel is all about the care I take and the choices I make about what to put into my mind and soul.

First things first

Day 4's four offerings all point me toward one question...In all the freedom I've been given, what is the first thing I best do?  There may be many days in our weeks when we don't feel particularly free to make chocies beacuse the school bus is coming, the memo is due, the appointment is scheduled. But I am reminded by today's readings that if I can just take a grounding moment, a centering moment and a deep breath, some clarity comes about my proper first thing in the midst of all the second and third and fourth things. Nouwen wants us to find a first moment for a prayer of thanks for the truth that we are loved by God.

OK, so here goes...I've taken my breath and that moment of thanks first thing in this day. And what do I now discover? That I have another moment to give thanks for other things, that, as I tie my shoes, I can offer a prayer for a new baby in the parish, that I can take a moment and truly listen to an idea of my partner or a sibling on the phone, that I can ask God for some particular help...somehow making a first moment for a prayer of thanks for God's love actually leads me into other prayers and  into the inevitable second and third and fourth things of the day. In a short prayer of thanks we are graced to first ground all our realties in our grateful relationship with God.

 First things first.    Have a great day!  Tim+ 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012 The 3rd day of Advent

The readings for today really hit home, I can tell you!  Quiet and solitude don't come very easily for me; I always feel as if I should be doing something. My mind goes in so many different directions at once these days...who is left on my Christmas list?  Can I possibly avoid the Mall this week?  What in heaven's name will I have for dinner?  Allowing ourselves some solitude amid the frenzy of this time of year is difficult, there is no getting around it.  But that is what this lovely season of Advent asks of us - to be still, to be quiet, to cherish some "alone time" to listen to what God may be whispering to us.

"Lord, grant [us] a taste for solitude."  Not a bad little prayer!  Can we make it our own?

With love and peace to you all,

Audrey

Day 2 of Advent

“Don’t plan too precisely, however; leave room for God’s input.”

This sentence from today’s “Advent Action” jumped out and bopped me on the nose.  I’ve always been someone who likes to have plans; I like to know how an activity, or a day, or a week are going to progress.  I want to know what’s coming next.  For a long time I thought it was just a personality quirk, but the truth is that it’s a real spiritual challenge.  And when we think about having to plan not only our own calendars, but also coordinate the calendars of our children, our spouses, our significant others, our pets (when is doggy daycare?)...it actually feels like we don’t have any choice but to be precise planners.  And perhaps that’s the first step in leaving room for God’s input -  remembering that we do, in fact, have choices about how we spend our time.  Sometimes God’s input isn’t about the outcome, it’s about the existence of the choice itself.  Peace to you, -Kelly

Day 1 of Advent

Greetings, friends,
 On this first day of Advent, Henri Nouwen encourgaes us to watch for the small signs of God's action in our lives.One extra thought I'd like to offer to our readings for today...let's use both our memories of things past AND our imaginiations of thing to come to see those small things. What small grace do you recall? What small gift do you imagine tomorrow might hold?  Blessings,
 Tim+